End of April. I am standing on a balcony at Longwood Gardens above an Italian water garden, wearing a green coat, and the whole place is doing an impression of Versailles. For years I had complained about DC's lack of culture — like an authentic Frenchman, passively, with the kind of resignation French people mistake for personality. Then I started to suspect that some cities do not offer themselves to you. You have to go and find them. So this Carnet is a month of going and finding. Wilmington, the Hudson Valley, New York. A duck paté that may have tried to kill me. Welcome to Carnet de voyage.

A weekend in Wilmington

I stayed in Wilmington, Delaware, for a weekend getaway. I usually find a reason not to: the booking, the packing, the commuting. Two days never seems worth the friction. Then I arrived, and Wilmington turned out to be doing a French impression. The lobby of the Hotel Du Pont could pass for somewhere in the Loire Valley. The duck breast at La Fia tasted like France. Nemours Estate finished the picture. Sometimes leaving the house is worth the friction — especially when it can transport you to another era.

The duck paté theory of nationality

One of the most French things I ate this month was this duck paté. Several hours later I felt very sick. According to my precise medical expertise — which consists of thinking about what you ate and seeing which item makes you gag the most — the paté did it. I will never actually know, but it amused me to consider that the most French thing I had eaten could have been the thing that betrayed me. My stomach is changing nationality. It is moving without telling me.

A bathtub from another century

During Memorial Day weekend I went to the Hudson Valley and stayed in a B&B. The bathtub was a clawfoot, the shower curtains were lace. The whole bathroom belonged in another century. It reminded me — only at the surface — of the kind of French country house that gets passed down through families: slightly drafty, slightly too dark, with furniture that everyone insists is superior because someone's grandfather bought it. Charming, in small doses. I was glad to be there for two nights. The hot water was excellent. The shower head very thin jets were not.

The Hudson Valley, and the bear question

I have heard it time and time again: the beauty of the US lives mostly in its nature. The Hudson Valley confirms it. I walked the trails feeling grateful and a little reverent — and then mildly betrayed by myself for not asking, before starting, whether there were bears in the area, and what you're supposed to do if you meet one. (Smile? Run? Say something in BtchyFrench?) I also visited two places worth the detour: Storm King Art Center, where the landscape and the sculptures negotiate with each other, and Dia Beacon, which I will be thinking about for a while.

New York, and a viral dessert I did not wait for

After the Hudson Valley, I went to New York. I always feel an urge there — as if whatever life I was living before getting to the city was clearly insufficient. So I went to museums I had not been to before (the New Museum, The Brant Foundation), restaurants I had not tried, and a "viral dessert" that, spoiler, was overrated. I did not wait in line for it. In BtchyFrench we do not wait in lines. We just judge the people who do, while quietly wondering whether we are missing something.

A stage, and three skills I do not have

I opened this edition by complaining about missing art and culture, so it is only fair that I close on a stage in New York. Celebrity Autobiography was as funny as it was strange — actors come out and read other celebrities' memoirs aloud, in character. Operation Mincemeat, a musical, was funny in a different way and slightly miraculous to watch: three skills (acting, dancing, singing) performed at professional level by the same humans, simultaneously. As someone who can sort-of act, sing in three very specific keys, and would need six weeks to learn two basic dance steps, I assure you — it is hard work.

Et voilà! If you saw something I missed, hit reply, I read all of them and answer most. Until next month,

Jacques

COMING UP